Friendship Is a Two-way Street
"I get tired of always being the initiator," I heard a woman say one day. "I'm the one always reaching out, doing the inviting, making connections.
"I wish others would call me once in awhile and invite me over or out to lunch. It would make me feel they wanted to be with me as much as I want to be with them. Friendship is a two-way street, you know."
I could empathize with that woman. A time or two, I've been involved in a lopsided relationship, wishing the other person would indeed act a bit more interested in maintaining our friendship.
As I reflected on the woman's comments, I came to the following conclusions.
First of all, I would say to her, "Good for you! You are to be congratulated! You are one of those noble people who make an effort to reach out to others. I appreciate your initiative to be a friend."
Not everyone is willing to do that‹make the first move toward forming a friendship. Some people are simply too shy and others are too selfish. The shy fear rejection, and the selfish fear obligation, so sometimes neither makes the effort to bond.
The result is that both have a limited number of friends, if any, and miss some of the greatest pleasure in life. Being alone for very long gets--well, lonely. God even saw it wasn't good for a person to live a solitary life and made Eve for Adam.
So those who reach out to others are helping fulfill a deep human need, and should be commended.
However, another point the lady might want to consider is,‹if indeed she is ALWAYS having to do the inviting, and no one EVER seeks her company, perhaps there's something about her that people wish to avoid. She might need to do a bit of self-analysis, starting with the basics.
1. Do you practice good hygiene? Believe it or not, it's a consideration in the formation of friendships. Few people enjoy an assault on their senses. This includes sight and smell. If people are backing off as you speak, or wincing as they look at you, or even refusing to look at you, this could be a clue that you have a problem, and you might want to make a few improvements in this area.
2. Do you monopolize the conversation? Most people like an opportunity to be heard. If you do all the talking, they don't get that opportunity, and soon lose interest in what you have to say.
3. Do you monopolize the situation? By this I mean, do you abuse your privileges? I recall one visitor to our home who never knew when to return to her own. She evolved into a couch potato, on our sofa, way past the time when we wanted to be in bed. Eventually, we quit inviting her, because she just didn't know when to go home.
4. Are you a positive, affirming individual? Most of us like to be around people who make us feel good about ourselves. If we are subjected to constant criticism, teasing, or unsolicited advice, we tend to look for a friendlier and more respectful atmosphere.
5. Are you cheap? I remember going out to eat with a lady who typically left a few cents and a religious pamphlet as a tip for the waitress. It was embarrassing. And it wasn't that she couldn't afford to leave more. She was simply tight. Christians, especially, should let their generosity spill over into all aspects of life, including tipping a tired waitress.
6. Are you loyal? It's no fun to think you've bonded beautifully with a brand new friend, only to find that the moment you turn your back, you are spoken of disrespectfully. People need to be able to trust each other in order to form an enduring alliance.
Finally, the last suggestion I would offer to the lady is this: If indeed you are neat, clean, sensitive, positive, generous and loyal, and still people refuse to respond to your friendship, maybe you should simply seek a new set of friends.
Friendship IS a two way street. If you are repeatedly getting nothing in return for your selfless efforts, concentrate on finding people who are more appreciative of what you have to offer. We are not obligated to force ourselves endlessly upon others. Even the Bible says "Do not cast your pearls before swine."
Friendship is a gift. A gift is to be treasured and appreciated. When you are blessed with the type of friends who realize the value of what you have to offer, a mutual effort will be made to maintain that relationship. That way, no one is left wondering, "What don't they ever call ME? Why don't they ever invite ME to lunch?"
Letter From A Friend
I had to write to tell you how much I love you and care for you. Yesterday, I saw you walking and laughing with your friends; I hoped that soon you would want me to walk along with you, too. So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and whispered a cool breeze to refresh you. I waited-you never called-I just kept on loving you.
As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted to touch you. I spilled moonlight onto your face-trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have. You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you.
The next day I exploded a brilliant sunrise into glorious morning for you. But you woke up late and rushed off to work-you didn't even notice. My sky became cloudy and my tears were the rain.
I love you, oh, if you would only listen. I really love you. I try to say it in the quiet of the green meadow and in the blue sky. The wind whispers my love throughout the treetops and spills it into the vibrant colors of all the flowers. I shout it to you in the thunder of the great waterfalls and compose love songs for birds to sing for you. I warm you with the clothing of my sunshine, and perfume the air with nature's sweet scent. My love for you is deeper than any ocean and greater than any need in your heart. If you would only realize how I care.
My Dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him-He cares, too. Fathers are just that way. So, please; call on me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait-because I love you.
Your friend, Jesus
Letters From The Readers
Letters
AL-Dear Young People: I hope this finds you pressing on! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about power. In the dictionary, it said that power was "the right to exercise control." I made a list of all of the things I found that we can have power over as Christians.
Through Christ we have power to:
Be forgiven Matthew 9:6
Overcome evil Romans 12:21
Resist the devil James 4:7
Die to sin Romans 6:6-23
Overcome the world I John 4:18
Be delivered from the law Romans 7:6
Be healed James 5:14-16
Endure temptation I Corinthians 11:4
Make our strength perfect in weakness II Corinthians 12:5
Become the sons of God John 1:12
Overcome fear with love I John 4:18
Conquer death I Corinthians 15:55-57
Be saved from our enemies Luke 1:71-75
Control our thoughts Philippians 4:8
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
May God bless you, -Monica Whitson
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